so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
So squirting runs in the family.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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