"it" just moved
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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