do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
