She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
