So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Still dying that you shit outside
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
