Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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