these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
