I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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