dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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