Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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