On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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