The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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