I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
