Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
