I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
