He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
