I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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