True but thats because hes a fetus.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize