Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
