It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
