dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
