You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
