I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
