So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
