i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
