im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
