So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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