This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
