every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
