Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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