Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
