I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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