Cold hands, warm shart.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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