I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
