so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
