Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize