I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
