I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
