Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
