I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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