Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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