Just took my morning after pill in the library
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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