Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
