As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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