i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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