is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize