We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
