I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
