her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
