from now on my penis is your penis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
