Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
how drunk are you?
Several
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
