Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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