sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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