I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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