i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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