this just has baby written all over it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
