i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
