If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
