As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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