i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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