I wish I could punch you in the face.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
