i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
