I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
