it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
