he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
