Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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