He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i think my cat just said my name.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
