I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
