ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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