My brain says no but my pants say off.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
