his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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