..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
