Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize