I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We have started to decorate penises.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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