Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize